I don’t believe that children need to be beaten, or anything of that kind. Children can be disciplined with love. They can be counseled—if parents would take the time to sit down quietly and talk with them. Tell them the consequences of misbehaving, of not doing things in the right way. The children would be better off, and I think everyone would be happier.
My father never touched us. He had a wisdom all his own of quietly talking with us. He turned us around when we were moving in the wrong direction, without beating us or taking a strap to us or any of that kind of business. I’ve never been a believer in the physical punishment of children. I don’t think it is necessary."
- President Gordon B. Hinckley
October 2008 Liahona, "At Home with the Hickleys"
There have been two interesting discussions in class this week - one on spanking, the other on child leashes.
When it comes to spanking, personally, I never want to do it. It's not that I have anything against spanking - I was swatted on the behind multiple times in my childhood and I've turned out just fine; when I see other parents use it, I don't judge. It's a legitimate form of punishment that has it's place. Still, I don't want to do it.
In class we debated a little bit about whether or not spanking should be done at all, and most students were completely okay with it. Others were in the same boat as myself. However, we all agreed that spanking should be done with limitations:
1. Understanding. If the child is at an age where they cannot understand a verbal reprimand or explanation as to why something is bad, and spanking is the only way to let the child understand that what they did was wrong, then spanking is allowed (but of course, age is the major factor here. It's unethical to spank a child that isn't even one year old.)
2. Frequency. Spanking isn't supposed to be the main form of punishment; words and natural consequences should be able to teach a child. Spanking should only be done when absolutely necessary.
3. Severity. Spanking should never be done in a harsh manner or out of anger - then it is abuse. It should only be enough to grab the child's attention, not so severe that the child grows afraid of the cracking whip and it's owner.
All of this is pretty basic, right? The child leashes were a bit more complicated.
When it comes to spanking, personally, I never want to do it. It's not that I have anything against spanking - I was swatted on the behind multiple times in my childhood and I've turned out just fine; when I see other parents use it, I don't judge. It's a legitimate form of punishment that has it's place. Still, I don't want to do it.
In class we debated a little bit about whether or not spanking should be done at all, and most students were completely okay with it. Others were in the same boat as myself. However, we all agreed that spanking should be done with limitations:
1. Understanding. If the child is at an age where they cannot understand a verbal reprimand or explanation as to why something is bad, and spanking is the only way to let the child understand that what they did was wrong, then spanking is allowed (but of course, age is the major factor here. It's unethical to spank a child that isn't even one year old.)
2. Frequency. Spanking isn't supposed to be the main form of punishment; words and natural consequences should be able to teach a child. Spanking should only be done when absolutely necessary.
3. Severity. Spanking should never be done in a harsh manner or out of anger - then it is abuse. It should only be enough to grab the child's attention, not so severe that the child grows afraid of the cracking whip and it's owner.
All of this is pretty basic, right? The child leashes were a bit more complicated.
Obviously, this video puts child leashes to the extreme.
Personally, in the right place with a child at a certain age, I see nothing wrong with a leash. Such as: going to a crowded city or Yellowstone National park with a 3-year old. They are obviously old enough to walk around and explore on their own, but not old enough to understand the dangers of getting lost, drunk drivers, or the deadly springs an easy step off a rail-less boardwalk away. A curious child is going to want to run around and not be glued to their stroller or a parents body, so the easy and safe solution is to keep the child on a leash. In these type of situations, I see nothing wrong with using a leash on your toddler.
Other students in the class didn't agree, thinking that using a leash was completely wrong no matter the situation or the age of the child. They argued that a parent would have more control and connection with their child if they were holding their hand (arguing that having your child on a leash means that you are inattentive to what they are doing) and that a leash is too controlling. They argued that the parent should teach, not tie the child up.
No matter your own views on spanking and child leashes, it is obvious that there are different points of view on all of it and that we need to form our own opinions. If we want to be effective parents, we need to know what we believe and stick to it. Even if these beliefs change, it is important that we understand why and stick to the change and not revert back to what we know/are familiar with. But my personal insight is this: never spank your child and do what you can to protect your child without sheltering them.
Personally, in the right place with a child at a certain age, I see nothing wrong with a leash. Such as: going to a crowded city or Yellowstone National park with a 3-year old. They are obviously old enough to walk around and explore on their own, but not old enough to understand the dangers of getting lost, drunk drivers, or the deadly springs an easy step off a rail-less boardwalk away. A curious child is going to want to run around and not be glued to their stroller or a parents body, so the easy and safe solution is to keep the child on a leash. In these type of situations, I see nothing wrong with using a leash on your toddler.
Other students in the class didn't agree, thinking that using a leash was completely wrong no matter the situation or the age of the child. They argued that a parent would have more control and connection with their child if they were holding their hand (arguing that having your child on a leash means that you are inattentive to what they are doing) and that a leash is too controlling. They argued that the parent should teach, not tie the child up.
No matter your own views on spanking and child leashes, it is obvious that there are different points of view on all of it and that we need to form our own opinions. If we want to be effective parents, we need to know what we believe and stick to it. Even if these beliefs change, it is important that we understand why and stick to the change and not revert back to what we know/are familiar with. But my personal insight is this: never spank your child and do what you can to protect your child without sheltering them.