When there are problems within the family, they need to be discussed. Letting the issue fester will only make it worse. It is important for everyone to come together and speak their point of view, their understanding and their feelings. When this happens, and everyone is open and honest - when apologies are exchanged and everyone is forgiving, then healing and fixing can begin. Everyone in the immediate family, all those involved or affected by the issue, should be present for this discussion.
One big part to communication is good listening. Before the class I had heard of reflective listening, but never put it into action. Reflective listening is when the person is talking to you and you will occasionally cut in to make sure you understand; make a quick summary of what they have said, make a point on what the person talking is feeling. It surprised me when I was being told that this was the most effective way to help people; by employing reflective listening, the other person would be able to solve their issue on their own.
The process made sense to me, but every time that people talk with me, I offer suggestions on how to fix the problem. I put myself in their shoes, feel what they are feeling, and do my best to fix it. Reflective listening made sense, and having them solve their own problems seemed better; does that make sharing my own opinions bad? Mean that I'm prideful, thinking that the solutions I give are better than what God can inspire them with? It could mean that. So I put it to the test.
A friend of mine started pouring out her heart to me over text message, and in the middle of typing out what my knee-jerk reaction was (to empathize, explain that I understand, and offer suggestions for fixing, to which a lengthy conversation would follow) I froze. I noticed what I was doing, erased it all, and made my reply very simple - empathized, and reflected her feelings back to her. Doing so was supposed to make her talk more, agree or disagree with me, explain why and then eventually come to her own conclusion. That didn't happen - her reply was short, almost disappointed. I reflected her feelings again, still nothing. So I switched back to my normal method, and then she was talking once again. We Skyped later, and the same thing happened. The more I reflected, the more she shut down.
Is it possible I was reflecting wrong? Yes. It is possible that texting isn't the right medium for this kind of communication? Probably. Is it likely that, because we have been friends for a decade, that she was expecting me to offer help and not just reflect her feelings in short sentences? Absolutely. No matter what it was, I didn't get the spectacular and miraculous results I was expecting, so I don't know how valid reflective listening is. I see the value in it, I just haven't been able to make it work yet.
Of course, communication doesn't always happen just in families or one-on-one, they can happen in counsels too (however, the family should have counsels too). In counsels, everyone should share love and friendship with one other, concern for personal problems. Everyone, in turn, should have the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings. Go into counsels with a plan - have everyone know what is to be discussed, so people come in with things to share to begin with. If things are not resolved in one meeting, it is okay to come back to it at a later time. Just make sure that everyone comes to a consensus (not compromise). If we all did this in our families more often, I think that families would be tighter knit and better functioning than they are now.