So I feel as if last week I focused on the scientific aspect of keeping a marriage together, and this week I want to make the focus a little more spiritual. Hopefully, it is a widely held belief amongst Christians that Christ and others in the scriptures are meant to be our examples for how things should be done. For the means of marriage, Adam and Eve, and Christ, are all great examples on how we could be strengthening our marriage.
Most people realize pretty quickly that marriage is no stroll through the park. Sometimes, you just want to curl up in the fetal position on the path and submit yourself to the scorching heat of the sun instead of crawling the next five feet to the shade. Goddard, in his book Drawing Heaven into your Marriage, he points out that, “Afflictions are the process by which God cultivates growth,” and if we view marriage as college and/or a finishing school, then “we should expect more afflictions or challenges in marriage than in any other arena of life” (pg. 37). Seems daunting, right? It doesn’t have to be, because we have been shown great examples in the scriptures, like I mentioned before.
Goddard says that we have three choices: “to chafe and struggle in unsatisfying relationships, or put our natures on the altar for God to change, or we can depart… disenchanted” (pg. 38). All people are vastly different from one another, and these differences can become distinct very early on in marriage. If the marriage is to last, then hopefully we will choose to put ourselves on the altar for God in order for us to change. To get along we need to change ourselves, not the other person.
Christ himself was the perfect example of sacrifice, giving his life for all of us. Though we may not be asked to sacrifice our very life to our spouse, we should be giving of other resources such as time, hobbies, and affection. Anything that is keeping us from focusing on and loving our spouse could be detrimental to the marriage. Goddard says, “When we make sacrifices, we are following the example of the Savior, who sacrificed everything in order to rescue us” (pg. 41).
Goddard also suggests that when we sacrifice our own preferences, surrendering that things must be done our way, in order to be more obedient to God, helps us to be more “agreeable, submissive, cooperative, and appreciative,” all of which are nurturing characteristics for a marriage (pg.42). Of course this doesn’t mean that you have to give up your dreams (sometimes you might) – but sometimes it just means that you might have to be accepting of waiting to achieve them until a later time.
Most people realize pretty quickly that marriage is no stroll through the park. Sometimes, you just want to curl up in the fetal position on the path and submit yourself to the scorching heat of the sun instead of crawling the next five feet to the shade. Goddard, in his book Drawing Heaven into your Marriage, he points out that, “Afflictions are the process by which God cultivates growth,” and if we view marriage as college and/or a finishing school, then “we should expect more afflictions or challenges in marriage than in any other arena of life” (pg. 37). Seems daunting, right? It doesn’t have to be, because we have been shown great examples in the scriptures, like I mentioned before.
Goddard says that we have three choices: “to chafe and struggle in unsatisfying relationships, or put our natures on the altar for God to change, or we can depart… disenchanted” (pg. 38). All people are vastly different from one another, and these differences can become distinct very early on in marriage. If the marriage is to last, then hopefully we will choose to put ourselves on the altar for God in order for us to change. To get along we need to change ourselves, not the other person.
Christ himself was the perfect example of sacrifice, giving his life for all of us. Though we may not be asked to sacrifice our very life to our spouse, we should be giving of other resources such as time, hobbies, and affection. Anything that is keeping us from focusing on and loving our spouse could be detrimental to the marriage. Goddard says, “When we make sacrifices, we are following the example of the Savior, who sacrificed everything in order to rescue us” (pg. 41).
Goddard also suggests that when we sacrifice our own preferences, surrendering that things must be done our way, in order to be more obedient to God, helps us to be more “agreeable, submissive, cooperative, and appreciative,” all of which are nurturing characteristics for a marriage (pg.42). Of course this doesn’t mean that you have to give up your dreams (sometimes you might) – but sometimes it just means that you might have to be accepting of waiting to achieve them until a later time.
In striking the marriage bargain, we are (unknowingly) giving up the egocentrism of childhood in favor of the charity of Godhood. We make a covenantal step towards unselfishness. As we progress in marriage we gain ennobled character as well as eternal companionship" (pg.43).
Another sacrifice we can make is that of our minds and hearts. We can offer these to God by asking him to help us see our partner as He sees them. This can help us to view their struggles with more of an open mind and heart, so we can be more sensitive and understanding to their situation, which will strengthen the marriage relationship.
Making these sacrifices and changes isn’t a one-and-done thing either; it will require constant effort and change and probably multiple sacrifices over the years of marriage in order for it to remain strong.
Making these sacrifices and changes isn’t a one-and-done thing either; it will require constant effort and change and probably multiple sacrifices over the years of marriage in order for it to remain strong.