[This week we talked about sexual and emotional intimacy, both with your spouse and as it relates to an affair. The first part of this post, which was about sexual intimacy, I wrote directly to the Mormon community as I saw it. Since I know that this blog is public, and that most everyone who reads this would not understand the Mormon-jargon, I decided to leave it out. However, sexual intimacy at the core it's pretty straight forward. Only have sex with the person you're married too. Most people already get that, which is why I'm not going to talk about it in more detail here.]
Another thing that was talked about extensively was that of emotional intimacy. Affairs don’t just happen out of nowhere - they take time, with a calculated effort. This is one thing that I didn’t truly understand until I was married. Growing up I had a male friend who was my best friend. He knew everything that I was going through. Once I started dating my husband, this took a shift. It felt weird, but it also felt right. I was dedicating my time and feelings to a relationship that I could tell was going somewhere. Slowly I distanced myself more and more from this friend, until I was married and our communication was almost non-existent. I still hang out with him at Church and at family gatherings, but I’m no longer talking with him day-to-day about my troubles, because that place of my heart is for my husband. Occasionally I still wish that I could go out and hang with him for a while (especially since my husband is currently gone states away for military training) but I always stop myself, remember my husband, and re-dedicate to making him my number one. To make a long explanation short, if you are doing anything to make someone else more important than your spouse, then you are doing your marriage wrong, and there needs to be a change if the marriage is going to last at all.
Another thing that was talked about extensively was that of emotional intimacy. Affairs don’t just happen out of nowhere - they take time, with a calculated effort. This is one thing that I didn’t truly understand until I was married. Growing up I had a male friend who was my best friend. He knew everything that I was going through. Once I started dating my husband, this took a shift. It felt weird, but it also felt right. I was dedicating my time and feelings to a relationship that I could tell was going somewhere. Slowly I distanced myself more and more from this friend, until I was married and our communication was almost non-existent. I still hang out with him at Church and at family gatherings, but I’m no longer talking with him day-to-day about my troubles, because that place of my heart is for my husband. Occasionally I still wish that I could go out and hang with him for a while (especially since my husband is currently gone states away for military training) but I always stop myself, remember my husband, and re-dedicate to making him my number one. To make a long explanation short, if you are doing anything to make someone else more important than your spouse, then you are doing your marriage wrong, and there needs to be a change if the marriage is going to last at all.